Running away from my soul

When I finished High school, I could not wait to move to another city and begin Varsity because it would finally mean that I get to start over and I will no longer be the person I used to be. Two weeks into Varsity and everything seemed pretty much the same as it did back in High school, I still felt the same, I had the same thoughts and I looked exactly the same. Why Lord? I questioned daily. Thing is, I failed to understand that the struggle was inside my soul and no matter how far or where I ran to, my soul would always be with me. If I did not take time to deal with whatever was hurting/crippling me it would always go with me wherever I went because unfortunately I cannot run away from my soul. You might say, you can just pretend to be something you not… but for how long? At some point in your life you will grow tired of pretending. I have always been surrounded by a whole lot of friends who kind of distracted me from my reality, I often pretended to be something I was not, so you can imagine the devastation I felt when I went from having five close friends I used to hang out with every single day during my first year of varsity to having none four weeks into my second year due to something I like to believe I played no part in. Days usually spent pretending, laughing and speaking about things other than what I was really feeling, was abruptly replaced with my constant thoughts of how I hate myself, how I was not smart and articulate enough to be really great at something, how achieving my dreams was not possible because I was not good enough. I was forced to stop running… I had to give God a chance to work on me because I desperately needed to find the Jewel within me.